 Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.  Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.  Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.  Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. |
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