Women's Thoughts

Women's Thoughts

The best way to forget all your
troubles is to wear tight shoes.

My mind not only wanders, it
sometimes leaves completely.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Amazing! You hang something in your
closet for a while... and it shrinks two sizes!

Sometimes I think I understand everything,
then I regain consciousness.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day,
someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of
candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop
wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start
the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Women over 50 don't have babies because they
would put them down and forget where they left them.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that
nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

Just when I was used to yesterday, along came today.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when
you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because
by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth
control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.
Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the
other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the
six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell
my body said, "listen witch...do it and die!"

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like,
"you know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten
my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special
kind of stupid to forget to eat.

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