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If Dr. Seuss Was a Woman...

If Dr. Seuss Was a Woman...



I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am. I don't live on Budweiser, Beer, nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't drive to Heck before asking directions. I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown; And I know how to put the toilet seat down.

I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt. My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut. I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch; or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch. I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind. I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing- and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting. Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back. And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see? I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am!

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