10. It's two feet tall, forty feet wide.

9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"

8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it.

7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan fora joy ride.

6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it.

5. You brushed the door coming into the house, and now it's totally bare.

4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it.

3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.

2. Some guy named Akbar puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it.

And number one reason, you bought a bad christmas tree:

1. It's constantly bragging about its "trunk size".